What am I supposed to say?

People aren’t comprehending the full capacity of my human being. Im not sure they fully grasp my world just yet. 

I have some issues as most everyone does. Ill just keep it at that. I worry about things. A little too much if you ask me. Oh and I know what you’re thinking. Why worry? Why try and change things you can’t? I guess thats what makes me different than everyone else. And sometimes I see it as a flaw and sometimes I see it as an empire. 

I would love love love to tell you every single one of my issues. The things I think about. The things I worry about. The levels of stress that I may be involved with at certain random parts of time. Ya know, I would love to but……Im not going to. There are certain people who know almost everything about me. There are certain people that understand me. And then there are others….that never will. So now Im going to write down my list of just random stuff. I don’t know what its a list of or how many list will occur but heres the list(s).

1. I put others safety before my own. Don’t ask me why….its just something I do. I know mine is as equally important but in most cases, I will always put another person before my own. 

2. The idea of suicide scares me. The whole concept and logic behind it all. I made a promise when I was maybe nine years old that I would never take my own life. And recently, I hear people joking about it. People have done it. People think about it. And it is a real thing. And thats something that scares me everyday. That the idea of it is so real. So cryptic. So raw.

3. If I could ban the use of alcohol consumption…..I would. I could care less for drinking. I really don’t see it and why people do it or anything beyond that matter. End of Story. Period.

4. In most cases, I am under a mountain of stress. And in most cases, Im okay with that. But please, please, please don’t tell me to calm down. Or to get over it. Or compare your life to mine. Because everyone is different. And everyone handles it in their own way. And my way is different than yours. 

5. And last. Please stop. I cannot handle anymore than I have to at this current moment in time. Im a bomb waiting to explode on someone. A balancing act with chainsaws. And Im talking to every single person out there. I would love to solve your problems. I would love to see everyone happy. Lets keep a separate line. There’s work. There’s school. There’s relationships. And then there is friendships. Work and Pleasure. Stop. Friendships and relationships. Stop. Work and School. Stop. There are fine lines. And its like crawling under barbed wire to figure everything out. 


Monday cannot come any sooner. Can everything just go back to the way they used to be? 


When everything was normal?


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