Brush of the hand

Im trying to realize everything. To see things. Cause are we ever getting back together? Are we still talking? Never ever getting back together like T. Swift said? Open my eyes and let me see. Beauty, hope of a life. And its repeating. Over and over. Like a broken record. And I got through the days. Try and place it. Place my finger on it. But I can’t. And to claim it as one single thing. One single statement. That was mentioned and has been mentioned. Im not sure I understand. IM not sure IM comprehending this whole thing.

Because we know who this is too. Its to you. The reader. Its like giving up. We will never know how much it will cost. A cookout tray. A phone call away. SO how do we know if it’ll work for me. Work for you. Flipping through the air. SO we flip a coin as if it were to chance. UP to fate. Because thats all this ever was. Hope and faith. Risk and unknowing. Hey. Hey. Hey. And we can’t be moved. And it can’t be the same. Because where we started was after the part where we are at now. There was no first step. It was only one leap. Trying to act as a baby when I was once an adult. How do we move on when we have no steps to guide us. My heart is starting to wonder where on this earth I will be.

I can’t be moving though. This world is still spinning. So Im standing on this corner. Waiting for the bus to come. Police officer stops me and says I can’t stand here. I told him I was waiting for someone, that I was waiting for someone whether it rains or snow because this will be the first place you will go. Seems theres an umbrella in the car. Waiting to be used. And I know theres something. Theres a reason for this. Because its not as simple as we are making it. Because its always more complicated than this. We have holes in these shoes and the world has a big old hole.

And I can’t stand it. Because country music makes me think of everything. Specific color cars bring me back. Specific colors also bring me back. And its so easy. Easy to forget the thing we never had, easy for you. Easy to throw it back in the mind. Because its still the same but we continue to wait. Wait for the severity to sink in. And thats why I know theres something else. Its hiding in the trenches. The oceanic trenches. Talk it up and give me the go round round. Im constantly now waiting on your cancelation. And its not the same. As I know, its changed. Somethings changed. Somethings clicked on in the brain. Something is transforming more than ever. And with ease, the flow of this life is going. But Im still waiting on this corner. And I don’t know why because I can’t see you anymore. I can’t see what happened. I don’t know what went wrong. I couldn’t even fathom.

Its okay though. Im starting to put the pieces together and Im formulating my own story. Im creating the monster from within and thinking about what went wrong. About the things Ive said and done. And its okay. I know Im broken and I believe ultimately thats what the core of the problem is. The broken pieces. And the risk.

Sad thing is…….I risked it all. For some feelings. For some emotions. For thoughts that could have become reality. And in the end, my pockets are filled with nothing and dust is collecting on the palms of my hands. And Im still walking. With the holes in my shoes and the broken pieces and secrets of my life. Im still walking. Standing tall with perseverance and motivation. Im still walking with my head still held high.

Please let me stand corrected.


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