Its funny how the smallest of things can bring me back to someone. A song on the radio. A phone call away. Keeping me without chains. At times like these, I miss the comfort and feeling of touch. Falling through this gravity, here at I am at a stand….so torn just the way Im supposed to be. You loved me because Im fragile and I thought that I was strong. All this fragile strength is gone. Set me free. And Im trying to figure this thing out but I can’t figure this thing out. Its only keeping me down. And Ive never had to be perfect around you because I was perfect to you. I never felt like I had to be something more with you because I was your everything. It never takes too long to bring me back to you. This feeling. Where is it going? Up and down, side to side. Its ticking like an alarm but wanting to only be in your arms. Never wanted anything so much than to drown in your love and not feel your rain.
What do I need? Only it feels like its letting go. And my mind is running away from this place. And its looking at these decisions as if they were scratch off lottery tickets and Im scratching them and hoping one of these will be the match to my future. And my future is only a few days away. And its so fragile. Like a dove, people think its supposed to be easy to find the twig. And we say go with the flow but sometimes I have to know. Know where the flow will go. And they won’t know til they are in my shoes, standing here a week before their undergrad graduation ceremony. And its nerve wrecking. And heart breaking. And mind lifting. And I couldn’t give you advice except to just listen to your heart because the head is far off. Its listens to the wrong things and in the end, it’ll make a difference.
And I wear the glasses to feel more confident about myself. It feels different. Its like being held without being chained. Because everything is going to be okay. And as I look beyond what this world holds, I fall into the gravity and the rotational rotations of this earth in this complex system. Like standing in the shower. With the water beading up on the skin. Turn your back to the water and close your eyes. Cover your ears. And feel and hear the ocean in your head. Like rain on the window pane. We feel so tall and we don’t feel so isolated for a moment in time. Its everything we think we need and we can’t let it go.
And its feels breathless and weightless. The gravity is no more than we can handle. Something will always bring us back. Whether its the sunshine or the thunder in the distance. Whether its the hug of my mother and father and the laughter of my siblings in my room. Could it possibly be the sound of your voice or reckless smile that melts my heart. Because we’re worn and torn but thats the way we are supposed to be but with more; we have others hold us up and we think we are strong and we are strong. And everything is calm. Calm where the pain is gone. Set us free. Leave us be. Falling in love into this gravity.