Everything is on E.

As summer is dwindling to a downfall and school is about to start, this is the start of a new life for me. I no longer have school to go to. I have a job. A real job. Working at a school. Does that count as still school though? No I don’t think so. 

As I start this real job and pray to the lord above that it’ll help me reach further into the depths of getting into grad school, I start to feel myself draining. Not just the money coming out of my bank account for new furniture, food and an apartment but so many more things as well. My sanity to find the right things in an apartment that Im going to be living in for less than a year. The right apartment in the right location is nowhere to be seen. Even finding someone to live with is near impossible because no one is the perfect person to live with. 

I don’t really know what Im doing but right now, Im remaining calm. Someone asked me the other day how I was so calm and why was I not freaking out? Honestly, it all hasn’t hit me just yet. And as Im waiting for everything to literally crumble and smack me in the face, Im trying to jump up through these hoops in hopes that it won’t hit me so hard. Im trying to make sure this apartment is perfect with the right things for the right amount of money. But I can’t. And as I sit here by myself with no one to help me jump through these hoops, I find myself draining. My hope. My sanity. My money. And I don’t know where its going. 

Is this what real life feels like? Im only 22 years old. I don’t know how to live this life just yet. I don’t know how to answer all the questions that people are throwing at me. I barely know how much money I can withdraw from my ATM but I do now since I was denied access this afternoon. Thank God for Credit Cards. 

I need someone to be here. Need someone to shop with and ask questions. Need someone to help me move everything. Need someone to say NO, thats not right. 

I really don’t need the negativity. The complaining. And the frowns. And now a days, thats all it seems like Im getting. 

God. Please send me a guardian angel. One thats a real person who can lift things and one that I can go shopping with. Please. Things would be so much easier. 

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One thought on “Everything is on E.

  1. Oh Danie, I just want to give you a hug! Starting out as an “adult” is really hard, but remember you don’t have to be perfect. You have to be you. I may not be in Raleigh to go shopping with you or help you move, but I’m a text or phone call away. I can tell you if you really need that chair or not, and I can listen and try to quell your fears. You have gotten where you are for a reason. Don’t forget that or deny yourself that. You. Are. Amazing.

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