I only wish….

Many of us had imaginary friends as young children. If your imaginary friend grew up alongside you, what would his/her/its life be like today? (Didn’t have one? write about a non-imaginary friend you haven’t seen since childhood.)

Its not easy being cheesy. I didn’t really have any imaginary friends. I was one of those self secluded kids who read under the stairs, made dirt pies with my twin sister and literally did everything under the moon with my best friend at the time. I think thats what I miss most about my childhood. The adventures we had when our minds ran rampant. When we had nothing better to do. I miss the bond that my twin sister and I had. The closeness we shared when we had that twin telepathy. But things got in the way. Heated spoons and syringes filled with toxins. Ripped scarves used to tightening the arm. Our long laughs became mumbling words. Days spent up all night turned into days sleeping all day. Many conversations turned into exploding fights. Life became complicated when the pills kicked in. Then life took a toll when the parents found out. Life became chaos when she went under the radar.

You never notice the small things until they happen to you. The small things become big things like parents hating sibilings. Siblings going to rehab only to crash and burn at the site of opiates and needles. Addiction can take control of ones life like no other person may know. And as you are thrown into the lions den, forced to choose a side when “there are no sides!”, then its hard to choose. The sister you knew and that you know is still there somewhere or the parents who would do anything but see another kid dragged down.

Have you ever wanted to give up on something that you love so much. There are times when Ive wanted to leave my family. Times where it seemed like there were giving up on me. And sometimes, I feel those times still. Right now, we are between a rock and hard place. And the struggles are real.

I’m only hoping things will be the same as they were when I was younger. When I didn’t need to worry 24/7 about everyone and everything. Where adventures were around every corner. Im only hoping.

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5 thoughts on “I only wish….

  1. If your story is true I want to tell you that I know your pain. The pain of wanting things to go back to the way they once were. Life was easier when we were young. I hope you can find peace with your family. I have had to create distance from my own family in order to live a happy and healthy life now with children of my own. I always juggle with the guilt and it’s a fine balancing act.

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