Read me, Read me!

I pretty much knew this was going to be a free write. I was really hoping for a prompt, but then again, I was really hoping for a free write.

Wanna know what I keep hearing. Let it Go. No not the song…..although I do love me some Frozen. I keep hearing “Dont Plan it Out.” “Let things flow” “Maybe it wasnt meant to be” but really, that isnt me. I cant do that. My life is based off of what happens next. How do I get there? What is my goal in life? Its not “oh, well what do I do today?” No no no.

And I know, I should loooooook to the present and stoppppppp worrying about so many things because Im just a 22 almost 23 year old working full time with no money hoping to get married and have kids and love life but when life throws you a bombshell and its explodes, what happens next?

But no one seems to asnwer that question with a good enough answer. For example, Im having chest pains. One would assume the heart…..EHHH WRONG! I had 3 EKGS and 1 Echo Cardiogram done. The only thing they have said is that I have a juvenile heart pattern. Im an adult…..why is my heart beating like a kid? Dumb heart, stop that. But that doesnt explain the pain. They said my heart was clear to go. yeah thats great but what about the pain or must I suffer with the feeling of a heart attack every single day.

See what I mean? I dont have answers which is why I plan my stuff out so that the answers are answered and the questions are gone and I am content. I am content….I am content right?

Maybe I should join the Army. Thats what they keep telling me. Life is structured. Id have money. Id be content because Id be serving my country and if I hated it, at least Im only in for 4 years.

I just….I just…..I dont know. The only thing I do know is that my boyfriend might propose. Yes, thats right….someone might actually want to marry me. Am I still a virgin? Yes. Am I waiting for marriage? Most likley so. Who knows.

Everything is just super stressful. And it shouldnt be. I shouldnt worry about having cancer of the heart. I shouldnt worry about why I always have headaches. I shouldnt worry about not loving the job Im going to get. I shouldnt worry about graduate school or any of that. But I should.

Darn you free write. Why must you make me express myself like this. Go away.

 

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