Fears…..

In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Spinning Yarns.”

A good storyteller is someone who is creative and observant. But I also believe a good story teller is someone who knows the difference between fact and fiction. Who can abbreviate between the two.  I have a story for you.

Can I tell you something? Im scared. Terrified that I might be dying. Everyone is dying but in most cases, its not something one feels. Not something they sense. Im almost 23 years old and my biggest worry is that Im quickly dying on the inside. Counting two years, Ive had chest pains. Small at first and then growing. Started off in the heart and then spread. Like a disease, sharp jolts of pain occur on both sides of my chest. Front and back. Side to side. At random points in time. Sometimes I cant breathe. Sometimes it prevents me from doing anything. It’s causing me to change as a person.

Im starting to get angrier. Angry at everyone. Angry at myself. And angry at the doctors who cannot diagnose what I have. 3 EKG’s, an echocardiogram and blood test later, I have no results. It seems to be this rare thing that no one can see. That no one seems to believe. And everyday, I think more and more about what it could be. Soon to be heart attack. A block in the artery. Lung cancer. Some poison toxin. Does this normally happen to people?

My second biggest fear is death because my first biggest fear is that there is no god and that there is no heaven. Im still holding onto that string of faith. That anchor that everyone holds on to. Im desperately waiting for a sign to show up. The people I need in my life are the ones who don’t understand me. They don’t understand why I get so angry. They don’t understand why I cry by myself. They don’t understand why I work two jobs to keep my mind off of everything. They don’t understand why Im attempting to get a third.

My favorite stories are autobiographies. Things that are real. Stories that people write about themselves. They show true meaning. They show emotion. They show the truth. They hold the memories that anyone and everyone can read forever and a day. I also love stories where it seems implausible. Harry Potter. The Walking Dead. Game of Thrones. Where we once thought dragons could have existed. These things are stories that some might believe.

Let our minds wander and hearts search. Release our emotions to run deep and wild. We only have one life worth living.

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