How do you?

Dear God,

How do you move on from something you crave for so much? How do get past something you wish to hold onto forever? I often question myself on what my decisions tell me to do. I trust neither my heart nor my head. I trust no one but myself but then again, I don’t even about that anymore. What pulls me closer? It cant be that subtle. I planned for a lifetime and got a weeks worth of heartbreak.

Dear God,

I’ve seen angels all the time. Is there any way I can make one mine? I need a lifetime. That’s all that I’m asking for. Not a second less or a moment more. Where do I start? With the seconds of my thoughts. Here is my heart. Although I feel like Im running out of time, I still want a lifetime. That’s all that I’m asking for. Im surrounded by so many people. I’m surrounded by friends and family but I couldn’t tell you anything more. I feel isolated and afraid. Afraid of what my future holds. Not knowing what my future holds. Feels like Im feeling my way through this darkness with a beating heart I don’t trust.

I miss the touch. I miss the love. I miss the constant calmness I always had with them. My hands are always shaking now. My fears are growing more and more each day. My nightmares are becoming reality and reality is sinking further away. No one sees my fears. I have so many fears but I pride fearless. Where do I start? Where do I begin? I wish someone would wake me up from this dream Im having.

I was ready for a lifetime. A lifetime with you. I lifetime with love. I lifetime with warmth. I waited for the fireflies to come across the yard. I waited for the lightning to strike the field. I waited for the shoes to to fly across the room. I saw the lights flash across the sky. I saw the rain land on the grass into the puddles. I saw the leaves turn from green to orange to dead. Wherever I go, all I know about us what that we were beautiful things. That’s why fireflies flash. This summer is over. We weren’t friends. We made promises in blood but we have sinned. Tears in my eyes as I scream goodbye. Welcome to the sound.

There is a chill in the air and September is creeping up fast. Winter will be cold this year. I cried when I last saw you. I cried when I first heard your voice. I cried when I fell in love and only cried more wish I could fall out of love. Haunting my dreams and the ring haunts my finger. But that’s why the clouds cry. And scream and fall apart.

Where am I? Im still where I was 4 months ago. But I dont want to be. I cant be. I choose not to be. But it still haunts me.

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