To truly see me, one most look past many things.
The fountain of knowledge, my brain, is a series of intricate rivers. Winding in and out of estuaries, flowing down hills and trickling through mountainsides. Better yet, an intricate series of circuits that contains and holds a power grid for a city the size of Hong Kong, China. Running a million miles a second, a million milliseconds a day….if you sit still and listen to the soundtrack, you might hear it cranking its gears. I never claim girl genius.
The epicenter of my body, the heart, is a vital organ designed to be reconstructed over and over again. It’s destined for disaster, at least a few times in our lifetimes. This heart holds one key. If the key is currently missing, there is no skeleton key to put in place. Love is like an addiction. When it upsets you, the things that once held dear are calling you back ever so slightly. Little words here. Simple actions there. Working side by side with the brain, my heart races along these highways. Like somehow, I’m stuck on the Inner Beltline of Raleigh, watching me go in circles, go in circles, go in circles. Signs say one more time. It’s worth it. It’s familiar. It’s safe. It won’t happen again. Those who desperately seek my attention are the heart strings. They are the Starbuck signs, the rest area signs, the Wendys pit stops. But the car keeps chugging along. Unwilling to take the next exit to paradise. Only willing to stay on the map and know where the coordinates will always lead me.
Past the mountains and valleys, my body is more than just a body. It’s a human being. It is constructed of vital body organs such as the brain and heart to simply function and function simply it does. Past the scars and bruises, past the broken bones and make-up, deep down I am only a human being. One that cannot be paid for its happiness. As my freckle army continues to grow, so do the creases in my forehead.
Deep down someone close enough will truly see me. They will see the fear of being alone take over. They see the smile in the eyes, behind the trash speckles located ever so slightly next to the pupils. One would assume those are diamonds, not yet created under pressure. Black coals that slowly burn….waiting for their turn to be pressurized into something more beautiful. Because only Diamonds are created under pressure.
My hesitation is the want for something more. More than the same highways over again. The need for a fight but the need for grasp. Stability and spontaneity. Because baby when you say forever, its means forever and day. It means the moon and the stars and the sun all together in one. It means night. It means day. It means freedom at last. It means Life is more than just a cage to me.
What do you see? What do I see? Tell me. Who are you?